Sometimes i get into these ruts where i just can't handle my life, NOTHING is happening right now!!! i HATE the waiting periods! I hate that the only thing happening is work! I am one of those people that hate working. I'm sure there are a ton of people who hate working, but i for one truly don't see any point to it. Maybe cuz i'm working in a Deli, but even thinking about becoming a nurse... i don't want to acually WORK as a nurse, i just want to know that i accomplished the schooling to be a nurse. Does that make sense? I don't see work as something that makes my life fulfilling. I like my job, but i dread going in every day. I feel like i'm wasting my time working, but i have to work to have money.
I love living with the Listers because they are the only thing thats keeping me happy. Sylvia has a "boyfriend" (not yet but i'm sure he will be soon) so thats ALL she talks about and now i have to share her with him. =[ All my other friends live to far away to see on a regular basis. I'm also not dating anyone either. Joel is kind of hanging around, but that whole thing just makes me sad.. why? cuz i'm head over heels for the kid and would love to be with him FOREVER! but thats only half of me, the other half says he's NOT the one i'm suppose to be with. So i can't fully love him which sucks but i also can't let him go. that makes it hard to date other ppl.. which there aren't any but if there were, because i want them to know me like joel does..but joel and i grew up together so it will take awhile to get to know someone else.
Next semester i will not be attending school. why you ask? For yet another reason i'm not sure about, i feel like i shouldn't. I want too! but then again i wanted to stay in utah. I don't regret coming home. I know it was what i was suppose to do. So i'm not going to attend school and just work. I was thinking of trying to find another job and work like i did during the summer, but i don't want to. Then again, i don't want to just sit at home when i'm not working. I was thinking of volunteering at the Hopsital. I think that it would be good for me to see what it would be like to be a nurse, and it will be serving people which always makes me happy.
I'm trying to find things that can keep me busy but find stuff that i really want to do. I found out today that i am a extremly lazy person and i don't have any patience. I want to work on both.. but i'm lazy and don't have patience lol. I'm still have a mission in mind but i'm in a waiting period for that as well. A- i can't go yet i'm not 21, B- i don't have the funding as of now to go( its hard for me to save money, i like spending it!!) Right now i'm into working out but i'm lazy and don't have the push that i need to do real work outs, So i'm going to make a purchase of P90X! I'm thinking if i could get through the 90 day work out then maybe i'd learn some dicpline, and i'd be healthy. Then if i can do this volunteer thing at the hopsital and work at Fry's then maybe i could make it through this loooong waiting period until i can go on a mission. The only thing that SUCKS is yes, i have to wait to do those things. I can't do anything i want to do RIGHT NOW! uuuggghhh!!! i have to wait until next week to purchase P90X cuz its a little pricey and my check this week a baby! AND i have to wait to do the volunteer cuz i have to send in my application, wait for them to call me, go through an orientaion then they set up an apointment to see if i still want to do it. SOOOOO again i'm waiting.
The only thing i can do is spend money, but i don't have that much to spend so that's not even fun!!
I know this is just a big post of me complaining.. but oh well. Now you know my feelings. I'm sure A million ppl have gone through this, advise would be nice. =] i'm waiting ( yes waiting again!) for the library to open so i can get another book to read. Thats my solace right now.. reading!
Saturday, December 13, 2008
?!?!?!?
Posted by Krystal and Bruce at 10:53 AM
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2 comments:
krys don't buy p90x I'll just have my friend burn it for you. Just send me some money for me to mail it too you, like $20 bucks or something. it's an awesome program you'll love it. do the classic though not lean. waiting is just a part of life. just be prayerful and do what you think is best. Don't talk to Joel, he is just bad news for you. :) the right guy will there just have to be patient. save the money you would have spent on p90x and buy an airplane ticket to come wait around with me. Waiting is a lot more fun when you are in hawaii! :)
Hey,
I figured that I'm pretty wise so I should give my advice as well, even if it's late and you never check it.
I went through the horrible waiting period after my mission when I was stuck at my parents house mowing lawns everyday. Life felt so pointless. But then one day I realized, that I made the world more beautiful by cutting peoples lawns. And that I was actually saving up money for school, and that saving up money for school is just as much of a part of life as going to school is. You may not be on a mission yet, but saving up for your mission is not a waste of your time, it's just as important as actually serving a mission.
Also, I think Kim is right about Joel. I know how hard it is to not be with someone you feel attracted to and comfortable with. But just as an observer, I've noticed that every period of time that Joel has been in your life as a friend, you've seemed more depressed (maybe not depressed, but more... sluggish) about life and more stuck in a rut. And every time you haven't been with him you've been more satisfied with life, more dedicated to life, and moving forward with life. I think you know that He's not the one you're supposed to be with, so it's kind of like you get stuck driving down a dead end lane again and again. There's a lot of memories down that lane, but ultimately it ends up as a waste of time, energy, and resources because it is always going to be a dead end lane (and it hurts to rediscover that its a dead end lane again and again). So I say REVERSE REVERSE! Go explore, of course its not as easy, but it's worth it not be stuck.
P.S. I know this was a long post. Therefore, your credit card will automatically be charged $5 for the time and energy exerted. Thank you for your business.
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