Hallelujah!!!

I've made up my mind! Forewarning this is will be a very long post! I'll try my best to explain but feel free to call and ask questions.

As every one knows, i have been in a rut this last month or so. Today i finally climbed out!!!

I struggled with if I should go on a mission or stay home. My true desire was/is to stay home and figure out school and earn money and set up my future life and get it started. I have and will always desire the next thing to happen in life. I love growing up. You will never hear me say, "man I wish I could go back to high school, or man being a grown up sucks and I wish I could stay a teenager or kid forever." I loved every age of life so far. I will always be looking for the next stage with excitement. I can't wait to reach the next point. I blame it on being the youngest and watching my siblings with their lives and me wanting to be just like them. Example... Kim as three kids! WOW crazy! I can't even imagine having one! However, being in Hawaii and watching Kim and learning how to become an AMAZING mom like her, I can't wait to have three kids and be like "hey Kim, remember these days?" Or watching Kerri with Kaci and learning and remember how to be just as cool, and watching and listening to their struggles with school and figuring out where to go next or what to do next. I want to be in their shoes. Some say, "a mission is part of the next stage too." However, I want the marriage life. From the time I can remember, if anyone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up I said, "a mom!" that desire will never go away.

I wanted to serve a mission for many reasons.
1) I wasn't sure where life was heading and I'd be 21 so a mission could be good
2) I felt the Lord wanted me to serve a mission
3) After much struggle and thought... I wanted to bring the gospel to others and serve them
4) I wanted to live someone new and experience a different life for awhile
5) It would make me a better person
6) I could go on and on but 5 is enough=]

All of these things are great and I know that. I know going would be amazing and hard but worth it. I wanted to do the right thing. I wanted to follow the Lord and listen and obey. That's why I was struggling. After a lot of talks and advice from all, I still struggled. I knew I wanted to stay and move out and figure out school and live on my own. But, I didn't know if it was a rightoues desire to give up going on a mission. I wanted to do the right thing for my life. I didn't want to go down the path I wanted if it wasn't the path the Lord wanted for me.

After talking to the stake president, I finally felt comfort in the fact that the Lord trusts me. No matter what I do or where I go this next year, I know that now He knows I will be trying my best and doing the right things. A line from my patriarchal blessing which has brought me a lot of comfort this last week states, "Krystal, the Lord loves you and what is more important He trusts you. He trusts you for what you are now and for what you will become." I want to stay. The Lord is ok with that. Yes, He'd be pleased if I served a mission, but He still will be pleased if I stay home as well.

Another thing that I struggled with was this line. "In the not to distant future, you will be able to go to the temple to have your own endowments, to perhaps be sealed to someone for time and eternity." I've taken this line so many different ways. It has never sat right with me. It has always made me apprehensive. I never knew what it meant.. Did it mean i was going to get married? Did it mean I was to go on a mission? Did it mean neither of the two? WHAT DOES IT MEAN!!??! But that's the beauty of it. I realized, with the help of my stake president, who I know is a mouth piece for the Lord, that I will go to the temple and receive my endowments. I get to pick if its for a mission, or for being married, or if I just feel its time. Its up to me. He worded it so that I could figure it out on my own.

This last month has been very hard for me. Lots of emotions, lots of struggle, lots of misunderstandings, lots of tears. But I have also had, lots of love, lots of studying, lots of growing experiences,lots of knowledge, lots of comfort, lots of tender mercies.

With the downs come the ups.

I am staying home. The EMT program didn't work out sadly, but I'm on to the next thing. What that is, I don't know. I just know that I'm staying and I'm excited to figure it out. I'm excited to make plans and not be uneasy about them! I'm excited to finally apply to nursing school! I'm excited to (yes I want to come out, we'll see if it works out) go see kerri and brad in virgina! I'm excited to plan Sylvia's bridal shower (i'm the maid of honor!) and know that I will be here for it and the wedding! I'm just plain excited to have my mind made up. So happy! So ready for the struggles of finding a place to live, finding a new job, working out regularly agian, and training or attempting to train for half marathons and such! I have NO clue how its going to work, or whats going to come along now, I just know I'm staying and am content with that!

Another big thing in my life is BRUCE! I love him dearly. He is my true best friend. Plain and simple, he means more to me then I have ever imagined a person can mean to someone else. He was there through it all. He held me as I cried my eyes out. He sat and listened to me rant and rave. He sat there while I didn't want to talk or move. He played when I just need to play and not talk. He held back his emotions as I said good bye. He remained my friend even though I said "nope i'm done." He never pressured me in anyway. He was always there to give advice when needed. He was there to help me figure it out. He was there for my downs and for the ups. He is still here.

We as a couple, know that we will be sealed together for all time and eternity. What we don't know is when. We both are lost and confused on how our lives are working out. Most say, "get married and figure it out together. its just going to change when you get hitched!" We both know that we need to find ourselves. We also know we need each other in order us figure it out because we wont be able to without the other. We are each others other halves. But the marriage thing just isn't part of the cards as of now. We are both ok with that. As much as we just want to go against our better judgment and say here is our date we're going for it, we both know that we need this time as best friends to help us grow closer together without the stress of "real life" pushing on us. Also, we have only been dating for like almost 4 months. We are still discovering each other and the multiple layers that we both have. We know that we are each others eternal companions. We know it. No doubt with either of us. We both have had a confirmed positive from the Lord. What we have also had is a wait answer on our date.

When we know, you'll know. For now, bruce and krystal are best friends. That will never change. Only thing that will change is we'll will be married and sealed and start producing little bruce's and krystal's in the future. We don't know when that will be, but it will be someday!

Thanks to all for being around during my ever changing mind and plans. Thanks for all the advice. I took each piece of advice to heart. Even if I didn't like it, or if I didn't want to listen to it. Every one and everything helped me grow more then I ever have. Sorry for those who were excited about me serving a mission. One thing I've picked up on a lot though is, Every member a missionary! Very true, and one thing I will be working on.

This is my story. Hope you enjoyed the ride! I'm sure there will be LOTS more to come =]

Day at the lake

syl turns 24 on monday so we took her boat out for the day! It was a lot of fun! I learned how to knee board

I didn't get the first couple of times..
BUT i ended up getting it! its pretty easy! next stop wake board!
Syl's bro degan was super good at it!
Syl could knee board and wake board. i didn't try the wake board cuz we ran out of time but we'll take it out again soon! It was lots of fun! i got fried but now i'm super dark!!!

Gondole ride!

Bruce and I went a real date. We went to famous daves bbq and had the 2 feast meal. It was super tasty! I'll eat there again some day!
Then he took me to the Hyatt Regency in Scottsdale and we rode on the gondolas.
It was a lot of fun! So not worth the $20 for one song in Italian and a 10 min around a super small lake. But it was a lot of fun!


***disclaimer** before break up but we are still friends

Camping Suburban style

So Nate asked Jessica if she has ever done anything cool... her answer. NOPE! Bruce and i were going to take her camping up in prescott but by the time we would have got up there it was going to be super late sooo i said hey lets camp in the back yard! It was about 11ish when we got home and we made the girls help put up the tents.


Jessica listening to how things should be done by bruce
I was super hyper and cold and didn't want to help so i made ppl play with me.
Really bruce did all the tent building. i kept jumping on jessica and trying to make her hold me! We fell once, i hit myself in the face with the camera the second time, and the third time... well...
I gave jessica a bloody nose! i promise i barely hit her nose and if she would have caught me i wouldn't of hit her in the face.
it went from a little bit to nasty vampire girl!!!
Anyone ever seen "She's the man"? They say tampons are the best for nose bleeds so jessica tried it out.. it worked!
Marsha informed us that the sprinklers come on at 5 am so we moved the tents under the gazebo and brought every blanket pillow and exersice mat out so it wouldn't be so hard
Since bruce was the only boy he got his own tent.
Then me, jess, brooke, and her friend alyssa sharded the other 2 man tent. Surprisingly i slept really well, other then the fact that i was cold all night then woke up sweating and went in side at about 7ish cuz i couldn't take the heat. All in all a successful camping trip.. some day we'll make it up the mountain for a real one =]

*** disclamier** happend before the break up.. but we are still friends and hang out!

** BIG UPDATE***

K so i haven't called anyone... kerri you never answer! i called you two days in a row so no more saying i don't call and talk(p.s happy late brithday) ... and kim i'll text you here in a bit... cuz that the easiest way of getting a hold of you... and you are still sleeping! Everyone else sorry i just don't call ppl. The only person who knows as of now is aunt marsha and thats cuz i live with her and tell her everything when it happens.

So i broke up with bruce last night.

Big shock huh? After conversing with my sisters about where my life is and where it was going i became super distrught and i had no clue what i wanted in my life. I was just very upset and sad and confused. Bruce was right there with me the whole time. I'm grateful he was there so i could voice all my feelings. After such an episode i came to the conculsion that i needed to do this alone. What "this" is i have no clue but i need to make that deicsion on my own. So i broke it off with bruce.

Idk if i'm going a on mission. I really just have zero desire to go. I can't make myself want to go.

Right now i kind of want to move to flagstaff, work and get into school next semester. Then apply for the nursing progam. It seems like my next adventure. I really want to do this. My mind is kind of set on it, soooooo its most likley where i'm headed. we'll see though.

I have an appointment with my bishop tonight. Then i'll figure out where i'm headed... just giving the family and whoever is interested in my ever changing life a heads up =]

Pepper sauce caves

Bruce and i went down to tucson with a bunch of his friends and hiked in the caves. We bought cool headlamps so we could see inside. I was real excited about them!!!
AND..... we bought cool hydration packs for like $22 at costco. We got matching ones.. mine is green! Bruce and i are going hiking every saturday so we need them.. and we are taking a hiking class together in oct! The caves broke in the packs for us! If you look behind bruce you'll see a GT 500 shelby mustang. Thats the car we rode in to the cave! its a SWEET car!!! The road was a dirt bumby road the last 5 miles so we went 4X4 in a performance car. lol we got lots of stranges looks! But it was a sweeeet ride!
This is scott.. the owner of the Gt 500 and idk the girls name.. we drove with them
they "like" each other.. at least he likes her.. and get this.. he does research for cancer. he comes up with figuring out why cancer is the way it is and finds ways to detect it faster! he is super smart and super cool! he just joined the church like a month ago. its rich and nice and doing something great for the world! He is amazing! I like the girl should date him... to say the least haha
We are in the caves. Its hard to take a picture in the dark of a dark cave... but of course we tried
The cave has 2 huge rooms then little tunnels that go off and end in dead ends. You really can't get lost in there. Some places are muddy but it makes it that much more fun!
There was also a lake inside of it. we had to go down a ladder to get to it. Some kid swam in it. We didn't get close enough to it touch cuz eww! lol but it was cool!
we tried another shot of it.. you can see the trash floating. There was one spot we climbed down to see and i couldn't see the water but i saw a bottle just floating magicly in the air... i was all wow is it just me or is that bottle floating on its own??? remember its dark! haha bruce explained that there was a lake there and it was water. he then threw in some pebbles so i could see the ripples. It was a weird experience =]
it was soooooo fun!!!

This is me after all the fun and games. You can't really see that i'm super dusty and have mud all over. It was tons of fun! I want to take kerri and brad next time they vist and if kim and nate ever come home without kim being pregnant we'll all go =]